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This happened a week before I was going to be married. I was engaged a couple of months back and things were in turmoil since then since my in-laws were demanding dowry which my father could not afford. My mind was going crazy as there was even a talk to cancel the wedding over it. I did not want to talk too much with my parents since they were already too stressed about it.

I had a real good friend, Shyam, whom I used to study with in college. I had to open up to someone and Shyam was a patient listener. We started meeting almost every other day in the park when I used to go for my walk. About 10 days before my wedding my father broke all his FDs and sold our ancestral land to satisfy my in-laws demand. My in-laws broke his heart. In a twisted and confused way, I wanted to deny my future husband and his family, the one thing that every self respecting Indian family cherishes, honor and purity.

I decided that my husband was not going to be my first partner. I came on to Shyam and had unprotected sex with him. It was physically painful and was not enjoyable, but I felt satisfied ….like I had paid back. It did not even take 5 minutes and it was all over. I do remember feeling at peace with myself after that. I am now married with 2 kids, my in-laws passed away 2 years back, and I have a happy life, but I am now confused if I did the right thing or not. I sometimes regret doing it. ;(