(Image source from: shortlist.com)

The world is picking sides and clearly there is a benefit of doubt involved (for both the parties, and not) when we read the tabloid details on Aziz Ansari and Grace’s unfortunate sexual encounter. Just when the world was going gaga over the Oscar spree of Ansari, the news started rolling in, of an unfortunate date he had in Manhattan, in Sept 2017; which ended up causing discomfort and sexual assault for the female who goes by the name Grace in media and meant completely consensual act for Ansari.

Was it a bad date, was it consensual, were his intentions wrong, is she seeking media attention or was it a sexual assault really?

None is yet confirmed and while the world takes sides; there is a clear case of mis-communication here. ‘Master of None’ star took to social media to express his regret and still went ahead to state that the act in his opinion was a consensual one. Ansari dated the woman back in 2017 and as stated at the babe.net website; Grace (the pseudonym of the female) a 23 year old woman whom Ansari met and got carried away on a date with some acts which the woman felt violet about.

They met in LA and exchanged numbers, Grace was the one who went after him charmed by his success and persona. Then they exchanged few texts and eventually went on a date in Manhattan which took a different path. First they had wine at Ansari’s apartment and then he took her to a fancy restaurant. They both came back to Ansari’s apartment and thats when the incident began.

Grace stated the night as, “by far the worst experience with a man I’ve ever had. I believe that I was taken advantage of by Aziz”. She told she was uncomfortable by the sexual activity soon after their date at Ansari’s apartment and he did not notice her verbal and non verbal clues showing discomfort. He went on trying things which made Grace feel offended. She stated she was pressurized to perform certain acts which she said, “told him [she] was uncomfortable”. She added, “I felt violated. It took a really long time for me to validate this as sexual assault.”

Ansari said: “In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual. The next day, I got a text from her saying that although ‘it may have seemed OK’, upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said. I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture ... It is necessary and long overdue”

The woman’s texts after the unfortunate date night, to Ansari were reported to babe.net by Grace and they read “Last night might’ve been fun for you, but it wasn’t for me. You ignored clear non-verbal cues; you kept going with advances. ou had to have noticed I was uncomfortable … nothing [changed] even after I expressed that I’d like to slow it down”

Ansari responded: “I’m so sad to hear this. All I can say is, it would never be my intention to make you or anyone feel the way you described. Clearly, I misread things in the moment and I’m truly sorry.”

Grace was compelled after the Golden Globes as Ansari’s award amid all the #metoo movement and Timesup campaign seemed painful for her. “It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award,” Grace told Babe. “And absolutely cringeworthy that he was wearing the Time’s Up pin.”

While nothing can be clearly stated for now, but the way tabloids have covered the entire details, it is as confusing to Ansari as it is to us. For the details on how and why are too complicated for even verbal cues to establish. The only question that comes in mind is, If you are on a date and you end up being at the other person’s apartment the second time on the night, how is it not an idea pressed by the both of you? If sexual assault was the case then, how come Grace kept it to herself until now and only an Oscar win prompted her to speak up against Ansari who wore the Times Up pin.

And for Ansari, it sure was a bad date and you certainly could not fulfil what was expected of you. Or you ignored or rather got turned on by the verbal and non verbal clues which meant something else for her.

While the media frenzy continues, more news to come in.

By Minu Manisha