Researchers have found that despite the number of years a couple is together, shared participation in novel and arousing activities enhances relationship quality and satisfaction.

In one study middle aged couples rated a list of activities as exciting vs. highly pleasant.  Couples were then divided into three groups. One group was instructed to spend 1.5 hours per week doing an activity from the “exciting activities” list (Choices included attending musical concerts, plays and lectures, skiing, hiking and going dancing). A second group was instructed to spend the same amount of time choosing activities from the “pleasant activities” list (Choices included visiting friends, attending a movie, attending church and eating out). A third group filled out all relationship satisfaction questionnaires but engaged in no required activities.

There was a significantly greater increase in the relationship satisfaction scores of the couples doing the exciting activities group as compared to those doing pleasant activities or the non-activity group.

Given the relatively small amount of time couples actually participated in these activities ( 1.5 hours per week), it is worth considering that the mutual choosing, the planning and the anticipation of sharing what you expect to be an exciting activity is an important part of the positive impact.

Other studies supporting the value of shared exciting activities hint that competition and finding a way to work together at a physical challenge are worth thinking about. In one of these studies one group of couples had to physically move across a gym mat and over a small barrier with one hand and one ankle connected with Velcro while carrying a pillow – all in less than one minute (sounds like a lot of fun). Another group of couples had to make their way over gym mats while passing a ball to the experimenter’s slow beeping cue.

Even though both groups of couples were spending time involved in a physical task together, it was the first group that was racing together against time that showed the greater increase in relationship satisfaction scores.