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If you're in an abusive relationship, why don't you just walk away? This is a question that many people ask when they learn about someone's battery or abuse. But if you've been in an abusive relationship, you know it's not that simple. Ending an important relationship is never easy. It's even harder when you're separated from family and friends, emotionally devastated, financially controlled, and physically threatened. When you have to decide whether to stay or go, you may feel confused, uncertain, scared, and torn. You can still hope that things will change. Or you're afraid of how your partner will react when they find out you're breaking up. One moment you may feel desperate to run away, the next you may want to continue the relationship. You may even blame yourself for being mistreated, or feel weak and ashamed that you didn't leave anyway. Don't let yourself get caught up in confusion, guilt, or regret. The only thing that matters is your safety.

If you are being abused, remember the following:

- You are not responsible if you are hit or mistreated.
- You are not the cause of your spouse's abusive behavior.
- You deserve to be treated with respect.
- You deserve a safe and happy life.
- Your children have the right to a safe and happy life.
- You are not alone. There are people waiting for help.
- There are numerous resources available for women and men experiencing harassment and violence. These include crisis hotlines, emergency shelters and even job training, legal advice and childcare. Please contact us today.

When faced with the decision to leave an abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following in mind:

If you want your abusive partner to change, the abuse will likely continue. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. Change is not impossible, but it is not quick or easy either. And change only happens when the abuser takes full responsibility for his actions, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, your unhappy childhood, stress, work, alcohol, temper, etc.

If you believe you can help your abuser, it makes sense to want to help your partner. You may think that you are the only one who can understand them or that it is your responsibility to solve their problems. But the truth is that accepting and remaining in repeated abuse reinforces and strengthens the behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you are perpetuating the problem.

When your partner promises to stop the abuse... Faced with the consequences, abusers often beg for another chance, ask for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may be serious at the moment, but their real goal is to control you and prevent you from leaving. In most cases, if you let it, they will quickly return to their abusive behavior and stop worrying about you leaving.

If your partner is in counseling or participating in a spanking program, there is no guarantee that he will change, even if he is in counseling. Many perpetrators who seek counseling continue to exhibit violent, abusive and controlling behavior. It's a good sign when your partner stops trivializing the problem or making excuses. But you have to make decisions based on who you are now, not what you want.

If you are worried about what will happen if you break up, you may be worried about what your abusive partner will do, where he will go, and how he will provide for himself and his children. But be careful that fear of the unknown does not lead you into dangerous and unhealthy situations.

Signs that your abuser hasn't changed:

- They downplay the abuse or deny that it is serious.
- They constantly blame others for their actions.
- You claim you are abusive.
- They urge you to go to couples counseling.
- They say they owe you another chance.
- We must encourage them to continue treatment.
- They say that they cannot change unless you stand by them and support them.
- They are trying to gain compassion from you, your children, or your family and friends.
- They expect you to give something in return for your help.
- They pressure you to make decisions about the relationship.
- Security plan in case of misuse

Whether you are ready to leave your abuser or not, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. These safety tips could mean the difference between being seriously injured, killed, or running for your life.

Know your abuser's warning signs: Always be on the lookout for signs and clues that your abuser may be triggered and erupt in anger or violence. If you find it difficult to drink, think of good reasons to leave the house (both during the day and at night).

Identify safe areas in your home: Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument breaks out. Avoid small enclosed spaces without exits (like closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (like kitchens). If possible, move to a room with a telephone and an outside door or window.

Come up with a code word: Create a word, phrase, or sign that you can use to tell your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers that you are in danger and need to call the police.

Have an Escape Plan: Be prepared to leave at any time. Fill up your vehicle and leave the driver's door open to the driveway exit. Store your spare car key in an easily accessible location. Keep cash, clothing, phone numbers, and important documents in a safe place (such as a friend's house) in case of an emergency.

Practice a quick and safe escape: Practice your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if the perpetrator attacks you. If you have children, have them practice your escape plan too.

Create and remember a list of emergency contacts. Ask a few people you trust who you can call if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help calling the police. Think about emergency numbers, local shelters and domestic violence hotlines.

Take steps to heal and move forward: The wounds of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma you experience can last long after you escape an abusive situation. You may experience distressing feelings, frightening memories, or a constant sense of danger that you simply cannot escape. Or you may feel numb, isolated and unable to trust others. But counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic violence survivors can help you process what you've experienced and learn how to build new, healthy relationships.

Build a Healthy New Relationship: After getting out of a bad situation, you may want to enter into a new relationship and finally get the intimacy and support you've been missing. However, it is advisable to proceed slowly. Take the time to get to know yourself and understand how you ended up in your previous abusive relationship. If you don't take the time to heal and learn from this experience, you risk being abused again.